Motivated by Must

Sinew is the new supple

Long time no blog!

I haven’t purposely taken a break, but my schedule has changed, which allows me less time to write.  I am going to have to figure out a way to remedy that because I miss it so much.  Sometimes the only way for me to make sense of what is stirring around in my head is to just start writing and let the words flow.  Kinda like what I’m doing now.

Is it a She?  Is it a He?  Who can tell?

I started exercising (again) this past week.  It has been about two years since I’ve done any sort of planned, purposeful physical activity.  Maybe I was waiting for there to be more than 24 hours in a day.  Maybe I was waiting to have the desire to do it.   Maybe I was waiting to look in the mirror and hate the way I looked.  Maybe I was trying to find my motivation.

None of those things happened.

Years ago, Brown-Eyed Husband and I were so into working out that I was really turned off by the thought of going to the gym ever again.  To me, working out meant hurting myself inside the gym and counting calories outside of the gym.

Ummmm… is that what I think it is?!?!

Here’s a list, in no particular order, of the thoughts that constantly ran through my head back then:

  • I’m soooo hungry, but I forgot to pack a snack, so I can’t eat.
  • How can I get rid of this wrinkle of skin on my side? Oh yeah – don’t bend over.  Or sideways.
  • Man, I’m sore today.  I rock!
  • Man, I’m not very sore today.  I am a wuss and I need to punish myself tonight.
  • If I ate that, I would have to work out an extra ___ minutes to burn it off.
  • I can’t eat today because I’m going out tonight and I have to “save up my calories”.
  • My life would be so much better if I were just ____ pounds or a size ____.
  • I’d love to go out tonight, but I can’t because it’s not my “cheat meal” day.

That lifestyle was very Me-Centered, and I have neither the desire nor the opportunity to be that self-absorbed again.  I was never happy.  I always wanted to have a smaller waist and bigger muscles.  Supplements and measuring tapes and scales were my BFF’s.  It was so. very. tedious.

Brawny is the new demure

This time around, it was more important to me that I feel healthy, no matter the numbers on the scale. This time, instead of waiting around for the desire to exercise to return (which likely never will), or waiting for the King of The World to decree that there is an extra hour in the day, or even trying to “find my motivation”, I have just decided to DO IT.

It isn’t easy.  It isn’t fun.  I’m not excited by it.  I don’t feel better because of it.  But I know that I Must.

If I want to have a healthy heart, I must exercise.  If I want my muscles to be toned, I must work them.  If I want to be limber, I must stretch.

So I guess you could say, I found my motivation after all.  In the Must.

PS. I never looked like or attempted to look like any of those She-males.  I just thought I needed to interject some ridiculousness into the post.  You’re welcome in advance for the nightmares you’ll experience later.

One Comment

  1. Debbie Wright

    It doesn't have to be so extreme, thank you God! Glad you recognize that! Self-Control is a fruit of the spirit and thinking that is a good thing. In balance is what the Holy Spirit has been saying to me. He wants me to be healthy and whole in spirit, soul (Mind, will, and emotions= Soul),and body. We can draw on the Holy Spirit that dwells inside of us to guide us the way we should go with every area of our life…including exercise, what we put in our bodies, and how we live..Sorry I didn't mean to get on a rant…love you much Ms Nikki..hate the pictures! You knew I would!! hahaha…Grrroooosss….


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